Christina Hillsberg initially found it odd that her fiancée’s favorite conversation topics with his three young children revolved around end-of-the-world scenarios and compiling lists of survival tools.

“But I quickly realized when your dad was a CIA spy - or more accurate when your dad was Ryan - this wasn't odd at all. It was the norm," Christina writes in License to Parent, her part-memoir, part-parenting spycraft book that outlines how real-life CIA techniques can be adapted to help raise well-rounded, security-conscious children.

The more time Christina spent with her future husband, the more she realized that the autonomy he gave the children - which sometimes included things like motorcycle training, persuasion techniques, and archery lessons - were carefully thought-out parenting techniques. Ryan Hillsberg’s children were only six, eight, and 10 years old when the couple met, however. Weren’t they a bit too young for these skills?

“More than anything, Ryan sought to instill in his kids a spirit of adventure and knowledge of the world that he hoped would help shape them into versatile, successful adults. This fascinated me,” she said.

But would Christina allow her own toddlers to be raised using espionage-related techniques? She’d soon find out.
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Raising spy kids

The Hillsbergs married, added two more children to the mix, and adjusted their parenting to draw from both CIA styles - Ryan’s clandestine operation side and Christina’s analytical side.

Christina grew up in America's Midwest and studied Zulu and Swahili at university along with African politics. She was a Fulbright-Hays scholar in Tanzania and was hired as a senior analyst on Africa where she wrote intelligence assessments for the US president and policymakers. During the latter half of her nearly 10 years as a CIA officer, she worked in the Directorate of Operations meeting assets and collecting foreign intelligence, which is where she met Ryan.

Ryan Hillsberg was trained at the Farm, the CIA's covert operational training facility, where he studied human intelligence tradecraft, weapons, and other clandestine skills. As a CIA operative, Ryan spent 13 years sizing up potential spies for the Agency in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia. On any given day he might meet with an asset who had expertise on nuclear issues or access to a terrorist network.

“Being spies has influenced every facet of our lives. It's made us more well-rounded, security-conscious, and prepared to navigate anything life throws our way. It only makes sense that we would want to pass these skills along to our kids,” Christina told SPYSCAPE. 

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Spy training

While the Hillsbergs have both left the Agency, their training and parenting techniques now allow their five children to make proactive decisions, think critically, and remain calm in anxious situations. (See below for SPYSCAPE’s Ten Top Spy Training Tips.)

“These are real techniques the CIA uses that we've adapted to parenting in a simple and straightforward way. They aren't flashy gimmicks or Hollywood versions of espionage that you've seen in James Bond films. They're realistic skills anyone can use - everything from the more physical skills like how to spot and avoid danger to the softer skills like communication, persuasion, and technology. The best part is they're applicable to everyone, regardless of parenting status.” Christina said.

Lessons about resilience have been particularly useful for the Hillsbergs’ young son, who in 2021 lost his hearing in one ear.

“It was my experience researching and sifting through data at the CIA that gave me the skills to learn about his condition quickly, and my communication skills from the CIA that allow me to be an effective advocate for him as he learns to adjust to life as a hard-of-hearing child,” Christina said.

“The smaller lessons in resilience that he's been learning since he was two years old, many of which I include in the book, served as a strong foundation for him when life threw him a curve ball that none of us saw coming.”

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Lessons from the CIA Farm

Christina recommends readers take what works from her parenting experience and leave the rest.

“Every family is different, and even within the same family, each child can differ in terms of the level of responsibility and independence they're ready for and when,” she said.

“Our youngest was only one year old when I wrote the book, so I don't mention her much in it because she was still finding her voice at the time. Since then, I've learned new ways to apply techniques based on her level of independence, which was more than I was ready for, if I'm honest!”

“We're also in the trenches of teenage and college years, so providing that balance of independence and guidance - especially when it comes to navigating technology - is always something that's at the forefront of my mind.”

Readers without children will also take away valuable advice, particularly when it comes to becoming more security-conscious and communicating effectively. Christina discusses the concept of “getting off the X”, which is spy-speak for spotting and avoiding danger.

“‘Get off the X’ is taught in CIA training at the Farm, and the idea is that the X equals danger. The longer you stay on the X, the more likely it is you'll be harmed. I give practical tips in the book on how to implement this principle in your daily life, including listening to your gut, visualizing your escape route, listening to alarms and warning signals, and ignoring authority figures, if necessary,” Christina said. “I also discuss the concept of run, hide, fight, which is taught in the corporate security world for active shooter situations.”

You Me, Same Same ‍

Christina and Ryan Hillsberg are also proponents of ‘You Me, Same Same’, another technique the CIA teaches in operational training that is crucial for building rapport with someone. It is based on common ground. In order to be successful at it, CIA operatives need to be well-rounded and have a variety of interests to increase the likelihood they’ll find something in common with an asset.

“If you're a CIA officer trying to recruit a target, it's critical that you build trust with that person, and one of the best ways to do that is through common interests,” Christina said. “It's also important that there's an authenticity to that connection with others - I've seen plenty of operations fail when operations officers were pretending to be interested in something they weren't just to get close to a target.”

The ‘You Me, Same Same’ technique can be implemented at any age. You’re never too old to pick up new skills.

“And if you fail, that's okay too,” Christina added. “The CIA actually designs much of its training with failure in mind because it believes that's one of the best ways to learn."

In addition to License to Parent, Christina has authored the upcoming book Agents of Change: The Women Who Transformed the CIA, an exposé about the role of women at the CIA from 1960 to the present. She is also working with Hollywood on two separate espionage-themed projects related to her career and life, and regularly consults with the entertainment industry and authors to ensure they depict espionage as accurately as possible.

“It's important to me to dispel the myth that female spies are honeypots as they've long been depicted for so many years in Hollywood,” Christina said. “Female intelligence officers are as skilled as their male colleagues, and in some cases, they're even better.”
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SPYEX Consultant Christina Hillsberg is available to give talks on intelligence tradecraft, espionage in everyday life, insider threat, and women in espionage.